The Magic of Christmas Read online

  ‘Last time I was the orchestra and you were the conductor,’ she told him. ‘This time, I’m the one holding the baton.’ And, she was emboldened to reach out and take his baton quite literally.

  Jack laughed, but his humour soon died as she used her other hand to push him gently onto his back, before she straddled him. Using her tongue, she flicked his pebbled nipples in the same way he’d pleasured her.

  Her hair draped over his chest then she let it trail in a caress of his abdomen as she shifted her head lower and closed her lips around his rapidly stirring erection. She teased and tantalised him with her tongue, taking things very slowly as she learnt the texture and taste of him in a new way.

  ‘Enough!’ he growled as he levered his body upright into a sitting position and hastily donned protection.

  Grace marvelled at his strength as he reached out, placed a hand under each buttock cheek and lifted her up so he could settle her more intimately against him.

  ‘This is going to be slow and sweet,’ she promised with what must surely have been a saucy smile. She took him in her hand and held him so she could guide her body down on top of him and they began the rhythm of their lovemaking all over again.

  As dawn broke, Jack kissed her tenderly. ‘I’ve wanted you from the moment I first saw you, but I never intended to act on the attraction.’

  She crooked her elbow and rested her head on her hand as they lay side by side. ‘Why not?’

  ‘I don’t have relationships.’ His fingertips traced over the underside of her breasts.

  ‘I know. You only ever have one-night stands.’ She’d known. She’d been warned. ‘But, even though I want you so badly and I don’t think I could ever get enough of you, I knew when I asked you to spend the night that I was signing the death certificate on us being together anymore. I guess we can’t pretend to be lovers now we’ve actually been lovers.’

  His brow furrowed and deep trenches were created across his forehead. ‘It’s been a physical impossibility for me to touch you and not burn for you. That hasn’t changed.’

  At least it was satisfying to know the degree of his desire. ‘I feel the same way. It’s like I’m going to flare into a burning inferno whenever you lay a hand on me.’

  ‘I’ve never known need so strong and it unsettles me.’

  His admission flummoxed her.

  She sat up and drew the sheet up to her waist as she analysed his words. ‘You’re unsettled because this desire is hard to control and you’re used to being in control in every situation.’

  He tilted his head as he sat up against the pillows.

  ‘Don’t look so surprised, Jack. I may not have a degree, but it’s not so hard to figure you out.’

  ‘I’m not sure that’s a compliment.’

  Raising her hands she placed one palm on each side of his face. ‘You go from one woman to the next. Clearly, you’re not looking for a steady relationship.’

  ‘I’m glad you understand.’

  ‘If we continue with me masquerading as your lover, you’ll be forced outside your comfort zone because you’re not used to seeing a woman again once you’ve taken her to bed. That’s why you’re so uncomfortable around Imogene.’

  ‘This has got nothing to do with Imogene. This is completely different.’ His frown deepened and she could sense an enormous amount of conflict raging inside him. ‘I want you again now, Grace.’

  She raised her fingertips and eased them over his frown. ‘There’s nothing stopping you from having me again right now because I want you too.’

  He shifted away from her. ‘We have a problem.’

  She admired his gorgeous shoulders as they lifted and fell with his deep inhalation.

  ‘I don’t just desire you, Grace. You’re different from any other woman I’ve taken to bed because you’re special.’ The frown reappeared. ‘I feel connected to you.’ He shook his head while he gave the impression he was thinking aloud. ‘Last night and this morning were different—better for me on so many levels. I care about you very deeply and I don’t want to hurt you.’

  Grace tried to settle the surging optimistic beat of her heart as it tried to bang its way out of her chest. She could tell it was a monumental admission from him and she needed to temper her response, to lead him gently through these new emotions so he didn’t back off.

  ‘How would you hurt me?’ She knew the answer. She recognised the warning tone in his voice, but she needed to draw it out from him and then she was going to do her level best to convince him he was wrong.

  ‘I can’t promise you forever. I can’t even promise you next week.’

  ‘I didn’t expect anything beyond what we’ve just shared. I’m happy to take this one day at a time.’ Even though her voice aimed for pragmatism, her heart kept booting wildly against her ribcage.

  ‘You don’t deserve the uncertainty. You’re a warm, genuine woman, Grace, and you deserve to be loved.’

  ‘I’ve had one affair, Jack. It was far from honest and it certainly wasn’t loving.’

  ‘The accountant who took your money?’

  She nodded. ‘You’re offering me honesty.’

  ‘But for how long?’

  ‘None of us knows what tomorrow will bring but I believe in seizing the opportunities offered today. I’d rather be your lover for as long as we both want, than end this here.’

  Uncertainty clouded his features and she was certain it wasn’t a look he wore very often. ‘I’ve always been up-front. I’ve always tried to ensure I’ve never hurt anyone.’

  ‘You’re still being up-front. I’m an adult, Jack. I know the terms you’re offering. How is the offer of a short-term affair any less fair than the offer of a one-night stand?’

  ‘This is new territory for me.’

  ‘Don’t overthink it. Let’s just go with the flow.’

  ‘Are you sure you’re comfortable with that?’

  She’d be ecstatic if he was prepared to break his habit and offer her even two nights. That he was even contemplating continuing to be her lover filled her with hope. When she’d gone to bed with him last night, she’d believed it would be his usual one-night stand. Feeling so deeply about him and after having him as her lover, why wouldn’t she jump at the opportunity for more of the same?

  The experience he had with relationships was so non-existent he didn’t even realise that he was offering her a completely normal relationship.

  Nobody who embarked on a relationship had a guarantee of next week let alone forever, particularly at this very early stage. He seemed to think he was doing her a disservice by not guaranteeing her a diamond ring and wedding bells, which would be a completely unrealistic expectation at this point, even if she had realised she was totally in love with him.

  ‘I’m comfortable,’ she told him. For now.

  One step at a time. And, she was already a step ahead of all the others who’d come before her. With every night they spent together there was more opportunity he might forget whatever it was that made him so reluctant to have a relationship, and to fall in love with her.

  Reality check, Grace. You’re his cleaning lady.

  Perhaps she was kidding herself. He was a super-smart, dynamic CEO who had all the wealth and power that came with his talent and position. It was an unlikely match in the extreme. But, he’d told her she was different in a good way and she believed in his honesty. He was already acting so differently around her, maybe she stood a chance of winning his heart? And, if he didn’t, wasn’t it better to take whatever time they had together?

  ‘Then we’ll take this day by day.’ It sounded like he was making the affirmation to himself as much as to her.

  ‘Day by day,’ Grace agreed.

  Chapter 15

  Jack was in trouble.

  He’d known it before he took Grace to Vienna for the weekend, but after their weekend away he hadn’t been able to put her from his thoughts when they were apart and hadn’t been able to keep his hands off her when they we
re together. It was why he’d asked her to move in with him.

  Citing her need not to get ‘swallowed up’ in their affair, she’d refused point blank. But slowly, more of her toiletries were being left in his bathroom and a few of her clothes had been hung in the huge wardrobe because she stayed over most nights now.

  It felt right to see her toothbrush next to his.

  It felt even better to wake up next to her.

  He hadn’t lied to Amadeo when he’d told him at one of their Friday luncheons that Grace was special. She brought meaning to his life—made every day more vibrant.

  His mobile phone rang and he smiled as he saw the caller was Grace. ‘Hi, sweetheart, I’m almost about to leave the office.’

  ‘Hi, Jack.’

  He heard the anxiety in her voice. ‘What’s up?’

  ‘It’s about tomorrow night.’

  His eyes narrowed. ‘Please don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts about playing tomorrow night.’ She had to play. He had something very special arranged.

  ‘Not at all. But I bought a dress especially for the occasion, and this afternoon I was doing a little mini make-over to make sure I looked okay. I ended up spilling nail polish over it. I scrubbed at it but couldn’t get it out.’

  ‘I’ll buy you something else.’

  ‘I printed a list of the top fifty boutiques in London from the internet and I’ve spent this afternoon going to some of them. I still haven’t been able to find something I’m really happy with.’

  There was no mistaking her level of distress. ‘Grace—’

  ‘I have no idea, Jack. I almost decide on something and then I wonder if it’s too formal, or not formal enough.’

  ‘It’s—’

  ‘I’ve only got a couple of hours left before the shops close and I won’t be able to sleep tonight if I haven’t found something. If I send you a photo of a few dresses, can you give me your opinion? I really don’t want to let you down.’

  Good grief. He’d had no idea this would cause her so much angst. ‘Where are you?’

  ‘Shepherd’s Bush.’

  ‘That’s only fifteen minutes away. Wait for me. I’ll leave in the next five minutes.’ He looked at his watch and confirmed the traffic wouldn’t be too bad at this hour. ‘What’s the name of the boutique?’

  She gave him the name of the store. ‘It’s not an upmarket boutique I’m afraid. It’s in the main shopping centre.’

  Jack’s fingers firmed around his phone. ‘The main shopping centre at Shepherd’s Bush?’

  ‘Yes. The big shopping centre.’

  Bloody hell!

  She must’ve sensed his hesitation. ‘I can send you the photos, Jack. You needn’t come down.’

  Grace needed him. Despite what she said, he could hear the thread of anxiety in her every word. It’s why she’d reached out to him. She needed him to come to the shops and give an opinion. There shouldn’t be anything hard about it, but there was.

  Despite the cool temperature, Jack felt tiny beads of perspiration pricking at his upper lip. His heart started beating faster as his breathing grew shallow.

  Grace—needs—you.

  Lizzie had needed him too and with every second he’d stalled, he’d failed her.

  He couldn’t fail Grace.

  He was an adult now. He had to leave the trauma of the past behind him and make sure he didn’t make the same mistakes he once had.

  ‘Can you …?’ His voice emerged raw and scratchy. He cleared his throat to try again. ‘Grace, can you meet me at the front of the shopping complex please, on Ariel Way?’

  ‘If you’re sure.’

  ‘I’ll be there.’ He disconnected quickly before he changed his mind.

  Jack had his chauffeur drop him off right in front of the shopping centre.

  There were people everywhere in the mad retail rush leading up to Christmas. At first he didn’t see Grace because he couldn’t focus on anything but the bustling London crowd. He stood motionless outside the entrance for at least five minutes, trying to concentrate on steadying his breathing so his pulse slowed its frenetic tattoo. He felt it at the base of his throat and at his temples. Pounding. Pounding.

  It’s only a shopping centre.

  But it wasn’t.

  This was similar to the place where all his nightmares had begun twenty-six years ago. In all those years, Jack had never voluntarily been to a shopping centre. Every time a foster family had tried to drag him to one, he’d kicked and screamed and created such a scene, they’d all concluded it was better to avoid any commercial districts.

  By tacit agreement, he and Amadeo never exchanged gifts at this time of the year. For birthdays, every present he’d ever bought for Amadeo had been purchased online. Any other gift for anyone else was organised by his assistant.

  The ring-tone of his mobile phone jarred him from his thoughts and a glance at the screen identified Grace as the caller.

  ‘Grace.’

  ‘Hi. Are you here yet?’

  ‘Just arrived.’ Well, almost.

  ‘Where are you? Oh, hang on, I see you. I’ll come to you.’

  He saw her cutting through the crowd towards him and wished he could fade away or lose himself in amongst the people. But, it was time to exorcise the haunting memories.

  While he’d outgrown his anxiety of being in a crowd years ago, the sea of people walking in and out of this shopping centre made him break out in a cold sweat. On automatic, he forced himself to keep moving forward towards Grace, one foot in front of the other. He focused on her face and thought about all the reasons she was so special to him.

  ‘Thanks for com—Jack? Are you feeling okay?’

  ‘No.’ He choked the word out, amazed at how easy it was to be honest with her—to not feel the need to ‘macho’ it out. Wanting to lose himself in her, he drew her to him and sealed their lips together in a kiss that stole every other thought from his mind. Grace responded as she always did—without hesitation or reservation.

  ‘You’re very pale.’ She broke off the kiss to reach up and press the palm of her hand to his cheek. ‘You’re not feverish though.’

  ‘It’s nothing. I’ll be fine.’ He’d be fine if it killed him. ‘Now, let’s go and see these dresses.’ He reached for her hand—more for his own comfort than anything else. Grace was his life buoy in a tumultuous sea of bad memories and he didn’t want to let her go.

  But they hadn’t gone more than a few paces inside the shopping centre and he stopped abruptly at the sight of the huge Christmas tree in the middle of the entryway.

  ‘Look where you’re going!’ a shopper railed at him in annoyance as she ran into him. The irritated words barely registered.

  It was a different shopping centre, yet all the memories swamped him so he was no longer standing looking at the tree as a thirty-year-old successful CEO of a multi-billion dollar corporation, but was back to being a scared four-year-old again.

  He’d looked up at a tree very similar to this one with child’s eyes and thought all the shining decorations were so magical, until he’d known the terrible panic of not being able to find his mother. His eyes had darted away from the centre’s Christmas tree that’d held him entranced with its silver balls. His heart had beaten frantically even while a growing pressure in his chest had made it almost impossible to breathe.

  ‘Mummy?’ The word had forced itself through a throat that was in spasm due to his sheer terror. ‘Mummy! Mummy!’

  Where was she? He couldn’t see her.

  Momentary relief had allowed him to inhale when he’d seen a lady in a pair of blue jeans and a black coat but that relief crumbled when he realised she had blonde hair and his mother’s hair was black.

  ‘Mummy!’

  ‘You can’t find your mummy?’ a man dressed in a Santa suit had asked. ‘Come with me. I’ll help you find her.’

  But Jack hadn’t wanted to go with ‘Santa’. The big man was scary, and he clamped his hand down around Jack’s forear
m and started pulling him through the crowd.

  ‘No! I want my mummy!’

  ‘Don’t worry, little boy, I’m Santa Claus and I make wishes come true. I’ll make sure you’re back in your mother’s arms in no time.’

  It was that year Jack realised Santa Claus was make-believe. Worse, Santa was an evil liar who didn’t keep his promises.

  ‘Jack.’ Grace’s fingers firmed around his. ‘Jack. What’s wrong?’

  He looked down into her green eyes and saw her concern. God, but he needed to pull himself together. This shopping trip was about Grace, not his nightmares.

  She’d think he was mentally deranged if he kept this behaviour up.

  ‘Tell me what’s wrong, Jack.’

  ‘Just ambushed by a few bad memories, Grace. It’s okay.’ And, it was okay. When he looked at her, looked into those gorgeous eyes of hers and absorbed every one of her perfect features, he could lose himself in her, keeping the past firmly buried where it belonged.

  ‘Was it the Christmas tree?’

  God, she was perceptive. The tree was part of the problem. The whole shopping complex was contributing to his lack of focus.

  When he gave a slight nod, she reached her free hand up and held it to his cheek. ‘We don’t have to do this. I can dive back into the shop and grab both dresses and we can go back home. I’ll try them on there and you can tell me which one you like better. I’ll pay for both, then return the one I don’t use, tomorrow.’

  A surge of anger started to burn inside him—anger with himself for continuing to let these memories close around him like shackles and stop him from moving forward. With a blinding flash of insight, he realised this was exactly what Amadeo had been telling him. It was time to move forward.

  Digging deep, he tried to cut loose from the horrific memories weighing him down like an anchor, and he concentrated on Grace. She definitely made it easier, but it still took a lot of willpower to feign a light-heartedness he wasn’t feeling.

  He winked at her and lifted one arm up as an indication she should take it. ‘Let’s go shopping, sweetheart.’

  An hour later as he sat in the store, he realised that all it’d taken for him to relax was for Grace to emerge from the dressing room in the very first outfit she paraded for him. The fact he could openly look her up and down under the guise of looking critically at the outfit, had him forgetting he was sitting in a shopping complex and wishing he and Grace were alone at home, in his bedroom. He fantasised he was about to peel the sexy garment off her delectable body and feast his eyes on what lay under the fabric.